I really LOVE it when I am in tune with the Universe. When I am really going by my intuition and listening with all of my senses to what is right for me. Lately, I have been getting that I need self-protection, to cocoon myself, and spend more time on the things my spirit and my heart guide me to do. And I know when these things are right FOR ME because it seems like everyone else whips out the guilt on me when I choose to do them.
I have been spending more time alone and loving it. I had always been a “people person”, always on the go to the next social function, never wanting to miss anything. On the other hand, I LOVE my own company and am never bored or “lonely” when I’m with myself. I can always find something to do solo, whether it be going trough the endless pile of magazines I hold on to, watching an old movie curled up under the covers, or spending an afternoon in a bookstore. It is enjoyable to be with me and nobody else. It’s quiet and sometimes quiet is awesome.
Another thing I have begun to notice is that I am ultra-sensitive to other people’s energy. Like SUPER SENSITIVE. To the point of not being able to tolerate some people even in small doses. It’s exhausting and quite frankly I’m sick of other people’s bullshit. Maybe because I used to be a great bullshitter… I’m not sure… or maybe because I truly stopped bullshitting many years ago. I’m just so over hearing the ramblings of idiots these days. Not that I have less love for someone because they are an idiot, I just would really like them to speed up their walk along life’s path and get a clue. They rob me of my time, my peace of mind, and afterwards I am robbed of my energy. I don’t like this.
I have a few people in my life that are constantly on the offensive, constantly trying to insert themselves into my life. As a result I am always on the defensive, waiting for the next invite I need to turn down or not committing to the next “favor” I’m getting roped into. Now I know I have created these experiences in many ways. I have taught people how to treat me. But I have come to the point where I cannot and will not do this any longer. It is beginning to affect me physically, and while I will go on for what seems like an eternity being guilt-ed by someone, I draw the line at becoming physically ill because of them..
I happened to get a link to a book, “The Art of Extreme Self-Care” by Cheryl Richardson and it was like trumpets, light bulbs and a thousand “AHA!!”s went off all at once. This book is about EXACTLY what I am dealing with in my life right now, and how thrilling that I should feel GOOD about feeling the way I do rather than feeling bad about it!!
I used to think being selfish was a bad thing, but I’m beginning to think I may have been wrong all these years. Yes, being selfish and putting yourself before EVERYTHING else isn’t very appealing or nice, but being selfish in the sense that you take care of yourself FIRST, before you take on anything else, is a very good thing. And one I am taking on as of this moment.